Things Only People Who Went To A Maltese Church School Will Understand

Secondary schools in Malta were already a particular experience for us Maltese, especially since most of us grew up in a time where co-ed was non-existent.

But nothing compares to the unique school experience that those of us who went to church schools had the pleasure of experiencing.

Having mixed feelings about the occasional school mass assembly

I mean, you got to miss lessons and you were especially lucky if it landed on a dreaded double lesson…but you also had to sit through mass and probably watch one of the younger classes perform some cheesy act; with their teacher in the middle guiding them through hand gestures (cute, but it gets old).

Unknowingly knowing so many religious songs because they were drilled into your head during assemblies and mass

And if you hear any one of these songs, you can still recall pretty much all of the lyrics

Realising you forgot your blazer put you into the ultimate panic mode

And then for the entire day, you walk around school trying to avoid that one teacher you know will penalise you on your incorrect wear of uniform (they’ve also probably penalised someone on wearing the wrong coloured socks).

Going to school on a Wednesday with freshly-washed hair, only to realise it’s Ash Wednesday.

Not to mention mass was probably a little longer, and now you have to wash your hair again.

Not wanting to leave your phone in the office, so you hide it in the most obscure places

Let’s be real, most of us did this… even though we feared those teachers that randomly did searches and had the power to confiscate your phone, we still got away with it (most of the time).

Wanting an answer to your existential life questions during religion or PSD lessons… but never getting any

You probably knew most prayers by heart, but if there was one you didn’t know, you ended up speaking gibberish.

*Traumatic primary school flashback* “Bless us oh Lord as we sit together, bless the food we eat today, bless the hands that make this food, bless us oh Lord, Amen”

That Euphoric moment when a surprise fire drill happened during a lesson you hated

Getting your nails or a new piercing done in secondary school, and having to hide it

So you kept your hands in your sleeves and styled your hair in a way that would hide your ears.

Feeling morally wrong if you were the only one sitting down during mass

Confession week was downright STRESSFUL

You probably only went to confess to get out of your lesson,  but then you actually had to think of any “sins” you have committed… so you most likely ended up confessing some silly fight you had with someone you love.

And last but not least, watching the form 5 farewell ceremony every year

And every year, this gave you hope that you’re one year closer to getting out. Oh, you also got to miss lessons here too.

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