If Riverdale was set in Malta, it would go something like …

Whether you’ve been watching the show through all its many, many strange, cringe-inducing moments …

(yes, this is a real line from the show)

or you gave up on it after the whole masked serial-killer plot, you’ll definitely appreciate what Riverdale would look like if it was a Maltese telenovela.

Hbieb u Ghedewwa who?

The Serpents vs Ghoulies gang war would be SAC vs DLS

The biggest rivalry in Riverdale would naturally translate to the most intense rivalry in Malta: Aloysians and Lasallians (obviously, the Aloysians are the Serpents).

The Farm would be the River of Love

Don’t get me wrong here, it’s just that when I think of the closest thing the Farm comes to here in Malta, this is what pops to mind.

And to be honest, I mostly did this so I could say what I want to in the next point …

Edgar Evernever would be Gordon Manche

Minus the abs because everyone in Riverdale has about 0% body fat but in Malta we have pastizzi.

Cheryl Blossom would be a Sliema girl

Naturally the heiress of one of the richest families in town would live smack dab in the heart of Sliema. The princess of Riverdale would definitely be the princess of Bisazza Street.

Veronica would be that girl that’s half Maltese

And won’t let you forget about her “foreign heritage”

Archie Andrews would be …

And finally, our favourite Riverdale redhead would obviously be our favourite Maltese redhead – Eileen Montesin (the gif would be my reaction if I saw her too tbh).

Just IMAGINE ‘dejjem tieghek Becky’ solving murder mysteries and fighting bears (can you believe this actually happened in the show … TWICE).

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