If Home Alone was set in Malta

Since you’ve probably just rewatched it for the 1952th time, let’s talk about reasons why this movie wouldn’t have worked in Malta.

But before we even start, the whole plot just wouldn’t have worked …

Do you really think your mum, let alone your NANNA, could catch a PLANE without realising you were left behind? Ma’am, your mum calls to check where you are when you haven’t even left the house yet and you know it.

^ your mum calling to see where you went when you’re in your bedroom

The family trip

Although Maltese families are no strangers to inviting the full tribe for a holiday, the farthest they’d probably get is Sicily, or at best somewhere European which is still much closer than the original’s trip to FRANCE.

-it’s just a few hours away, we’ve all probably spent longer trying to get to work/school on a Monday morning, it’s fine.

The house

One thing we might not have realised in our many times watching this movie as children is how expensive the house is. At today’s prices, its equivalent is practically any apartment with more than three rooms.

I mean they had a tree house. And a zip line. TO THE TREE HOUSE.

And as for the neighbourhood … I’m not even going to involve myself in the arguments over which village has the best Christmas decor, you can decide that for yourselves.

YET ANOTHER PLOT HOLE

Although the fact Kevin didn’t think to contact the police is a plot hole in the original movie, in Malta he wouldn’t even have to call anyone because the local patrolling nannas mysteriously found in every locality would have already been on it and adopted him by the time his family got back. Boom, crisis averted.

The Wet Bandits

(yes, that is their name, I checked)

Do you actually think with all the gun shooting, hand burning and stair slipping just outside the house (that movie really is something else, huh), the entire neighbourhood wouldn’t be out on their balconies enjoying the show, in true Maltese fashion?

^ all your neighbours trying to catch a glimpse of the action.

The spider

Arachnophobes I’d advise scrolling past a little quickly.

Yes, I know this is very specific, but while I was rewatching the break-in scene I couldn’t help but think: 1. Kevin would literally be dead without this tarantula, and 2. Literally no one owns a tarantula.

But you know what animal is found in every Maltese household? A kanarin. Which makes me think the spider scene would go a bit more like this:

That kind of scary man with the shovel …

Who else is lowkey scary but you also know would be able to throw some serious hands if two criminals were about to rob you? That’s right, the local patrolling nannas.