Police officers in America have started handing out gift cards to drivers with broken lights instead of tickets in hopes of helping drivers stay visible and safe. Whereas usually, drivers would blame the issue as a result of lack of time or money to fix the lights, police forces have taken a more humanistic approach to deal with the situation…
Now, this is well and good for the Americans, but I fear the day that such a movement starts here on our Islands. Let’s apply their strategy to a few common ‘driving errors’ that we see so often here in Malta!
DISCLAIMER: This Article May Include High Levels Of Sarcasm.
Double Parking/ Parking on Double Yellow Lines
When it comes to pastizzi, we Maltese drivers will do anything to get our hands on a quick snack, including double parking in the middle of busy streets and stopping in front of garages or double yellow lines. Of course, handing out vouchers to fix the lights would be useless, since any driver that does this knows that their hazard lights work perfectly well. Therefore, it might be much simpler for Maltese police officers to start carrying around white spray cans!
Like this, whenever someone happens to be parked illegally, they can simply spray on a new parking spot just for them, allowing drivers the comfort of grabbing their pastizzi at their own pace, as well as saving their batteries without the need for hazard lights! As an added bonus, making the spray non-permanent will make these temporary spots just wash away!
It’s no secret that a few hot-headed drivers cruise our roads, as clearly shown by the daily videos popping up of drivers screaming their heads off at each other and getting out and beating cars like punching bags. But what these drivers need are free therapy sessions! Police can easily be equipped with therapy vouchers valid for as many sessions as needed to cool off any road-related tension… I’d even suggest adding a complementary car air freshener with a relaxing mint scent to calmly re-enter these drivers back onto the roads!
Speeding has earned itself a negative reputation. After all, we all want to get home as soon as possible during the day, and who doesn’t love a good race on the coast road? Rather than seeing speeding as a hazard, I say we see it as an opportunity! Whenever that traffic camera picks up someone doing 100, maybe even 120, I say we slap on a uniform and form our very own Maltese F1 team! Of course, this would not apply to anyone doing 65 on a 60kmph road, we need real racers!
Ta Qali carparks have been crawling with night-time drifters for ages, which means there is a clear problem, and that problem is a lack of drifting course! Clearly those areas are ideal for drifting, so why not just scrap the huge parking areas completely and just make these guys a course already! Can’t drift illegally in a drifting course, can you?
No Indicator/ Driving in the Middle of the Road
Last, but certainly not least, we have our most common form of drivers. Those that can easily be spotted lining up the middle of their car with the dotted lines on the road and making sure they don’t wear out the mechanism of their indicator by never using it. Yes, maybe a ticket may help send a message, but I believe there is a more direct, effective solution!
All police officers would need are a few handy vouchers to driving schools! Like they say, if you don’t succeed, try, try, try again! Send these drivers back to the start and watch them flourish into competent motorists in no time! And who knows, they might even get over their fear of indicators!